Maybe you bit off more than you could chew

but that should be your mistake to own

and I shouldn’t be the one to pay for it

I supported you when you needed it

and yet you couldn’t do the same

and even refuse to see

so overwhelmed by what you tried to take on

that you just dropped it all and walked away

…but I can’t walk away from myself

or the mess my world’s been left

I have to stay and clean it up

and unlike you I know I can’t do it alone

I’m so glad that you’re strong you think ou can handle it all

but you proved just how weak you really are

the moment I tried to lean on you

for just a second or two

and you just stepped away and let me fall

The world just keeps on moving

and I don’t know what to think

What am I supposed to be doing?

Am I supposed to feel?

I’m just numb and tired

of trying to find my place

Every time I find a new direction

I just end up lost

back where I started from

bored, confused, alone

and empty yet again

Am I meant for something

or just a cosmic fluke?

I wonder if I’ll ever know

or ever really matter

beyond this little bubble

I feel trapped in…

One round in and I’m thinking of you

Gonna be a long night out

if I can’t shake this feeling

Another beer and another sad song

and my mind drifts away again

This is hardly your kind of scene

and maybe that’s the point

I think I’m not drunk enough

to be this maudlin

I’m supposed to having fun

and forgetting all about

the mistakes we made along the way

but you’re always on my mind these days

so here’s to one more drink

and one more go

Maybe this’ll be the one

that gets you out of my head

I close my eyes

and that back gate opens

The laughter of a little girl

fills the open space

As the sun shines down

past the redwood next door

and all is as it was meant to be

Until I open my eyes again

and remember I was only dreaming

and things aren’t what they used to be

The promises of yesterday

vanished with her memory

and there’s nothing I can do

to bring any of it back

This space will never be the same

the meaning lost to history

only to be captured

in pictures of times before

I’m probably the only one

still struggling to cling to

some sense of what’s supposed to be

that keeps slipping through my fingers

I close my eyes again

and shake it all away

I’m sitting at the patio we built for you

staring at the garden planted in your memory

trying not to think of how I’ve failed you

while what you loved the most sits silent at my feet

staring as if waiting for me to live

All your chosen children are scattered to the winds

I did my best to try and stay in touch

but my best was never good enough

We both knew that though you never would’ve said so

I’m not sure why I keep trying

to live up to the standards

I think you would’ve expected of me

I just can’t reach those lofty goals

All I can do is wake each day I’m given

and try to do the best I can to carry on

Maybe someday I’ll be someone you could’ve been proud of

but right now that feels a million miles away

You always had the upper hand

The entire time you held the cards

I was just following along

trying to keep up with someone

incapable of slowing down

and wondering what I thought I was doing

trying to find a place

in a world that I was sure

had no room left for me

Come to find out I was right

and I should’ve turned and walked away

long before getting left behind

I can’t make her understand

so why do I want to try?

It’ll only end in pain

I’m already where I’ll end up

She never cared as much as I do

and that’s not something I can change

Why does some part of me

cling to a stupid thought

that if I could only show her

everything would be okay?

Nothing ever works that way

I just can’t fix everything

The mistakes that both sides made

can’t just be magically undone

We have to suffer consequences

it’s just the way it always goes

that it seems like I’m the one

that has to suffer most of all

It’s a good day to listen to a country song

and think about the past

That moment comes when you remember

all the well-traveled roads

how they all looked the same

and ended in the same destination

right back where you started

all alone and struggling

All that time spent chasing

the same class of people

they all start to blend together

in your fading memories

Eventually the faces blur

and the feelings blunt themselves

like your favorite kitchen knife

in the back of the junk drawer

So listen to the music

and float away in fantasy

Maybe someday something different comes

but not tonight, so just take what’s here

and let it float away

I’m starting to twenty-second guess myself

and overthink about how to make things right

but there is no making things right

when I did so little wrong

and am still the only one to apologize

Of course I’m sorry for my mistakes

but I’m the only one admitting to my issues

so why should I go crawling back

when we’ll end up in the same old traps

I can’t walk through landmines anymore

and even once the anger passes

I don’t think you’re willing

to see my side or ever meet me halfway

so what would be the point of reconciliation?

I’m not worth the work to you

and I’ll have to come to terms with that

It’s just the way this all works, after all

It’s real and in my hands
The culmination of a grand idea
The plant that grew
from the soil of frustration,
desperation, and pain
So small and yet so heavy
and I would gladly trade it
and all that’s contained within
to have never felt the emotions
contained within its pages
There in black and white
the struggle to maintain
something so important
and the crushing realization
when it all cam crashing down
A storm of mixed emotions
as I glance down at the cover
and think of what it took
to piece it all together
I can’t turn the pages
I don’t have the strength
to risk repeating all that angst
spilled upon that paper
I hope others can get something
out of my catharsis
and maybe I can grow from this
now that it is real