Maybe when I stop caring
It’ll be less awkward
But what are the odds of that
When I’ve never felt for anyone
As strongly as I feel for you
I was ready to settle for next to nothing
How sad is that, really?
I had committed myself to waiting
And seeing if someday, maybe
I could have more
How stupid could I be?
How desperate?
How foolish?
And now there’s nothing
But awkward moments
And reflections of fantasies
And this sinking feeling in my gut
When I look at you
And think of where we were
And where I am now
I miss the feeling of importance
Of mattering to someone
That seemed to understand
The screwed up things inside my head
I’ve lost so much
For wanting more
And maybe I deserve this awkward pain
But you don’t
And most of all I’ll never forgive myself
For putting you through this same awkward pain
And so here we are
And what am I to do
But keep on going
Knowing just how much I’ve broken
And how much hurt I’ve caused
Unable to give up
Struggling to move on

Words aren’t enough
They never have been
But they’re all I’ve got
All I can cling to
In the quiet, lonely moments
They’re not great company
They were supposed to give me hope
Instead they fall
Bouncing off the walls between us
Unheard, lacking meaning
And purpose
What’s the point?
If all happens for a reason
What reason is there
To forge a connection
And break it so swiftly,
So completely?
More words, more questions
That will never be answered
Looking for meaning
Where none will be found

In another life
she’s smiling at me
as I’m holding her tight
and the rest of the world falls away
In another life,
she’s leaning on me
in companionable silence
and there’s nowhere either of us
would rather be
In another life
she’s texting me now
about some random little thing
and I’m grinning because she thought of me first
in another life
she’s shown me her world
and I’ve shown her mine
and slowly they’re becoming the same
In another life
we know each other inside and out
and we could never imagine
it ever being anything different
In another life
though nothing is perfect
everything’s just a little bit brighter
with her beside me

That look in your eyes
Then you tried to get away
This is gonna hurt
But that’s what I deserve
For making it this way
I don’t know if I’m strong enough
To weather what’s to come
But I guess I have to be
If I want a chance
To see your eyes light up again
Instead of that awkward pain

I shouldn’t miss you this much
I should just let you go
And that would be the easy thing to do
But easy doesn’t make it right
And you were someone worth fighting for
So why would let you walk away
Without doing all I can to fix things?
Because I’m scared?
Because I’m nervous?
Because I have to throw myself at your feet?
Even the little bit of you I can have
Is more than worth it

I go to reach out
And you’re not there
And I can feel my chances
Slipping away
I can’t leave things
As they are
I may not fix it
But I have to try
I just hope
I’m not too late

I’d built an ordered, ordinary life
Painstakingly crafted walls and wheels
To keep the routine moving just so
Then you came in from nowhere
Convinced me to knock down a few
And made what was left a little less bland
You showed me what I was missing
Locked away in my little world
Then just as quickly you pulled away
A little too deep in my head, I guess
And now those walls and wheels are back
And they’re just not what they used to be
I’m living that same old life I built
But it’s not enough anymore
I want that freedom back
I want that spark of color you carried in
And I know, somewhere out there,
You’re basically doing the same
Building and living your own clockwork life
Without me

I have the words to old songs
Running through my head
Because every time I walk up those stairs
I see your face
And I can’t shake the feelings that come over me
And then there’s the random thoughts
The memories that creep up on me
Little reminders
Of what few moments we shared
I smile first
Then start to mourn for what I’ve lost
What WE’VE lost
I can’t help wondering
What might have been
I question myself constantly
I’ve been fighting to get over you
Almost from the first day
A fight I just can’t seem to win
All I can do
Is keep up the struggle
Because there’s nothing else to do
When all I have are reminders
I don’t even dare to dream anymore
It’s hard enough to make it throigh
With just the stark reality
And the music in my head

Why would it matter
If every word I wrote was about you?
Would it change anything?
Does how I think or feel
Really mean anything
Given the situation?
You’ve got what you want
And I’ve got nothing to show
And no words will change that

You saw right through me
Even when I couldn’t
You saw right through
And there I was, naked and afraid
And here I am now
Humiliated
Ashamed
I made a fool of myself
Over and over and over
How am I supposed to face you now
Knowing you’ve seen the worst of me
Even better than my own self
All of my faults and flaws laid bare
What can I do now?
I can’t keep hiding
But that’s all I want to do
Because facing you
Means facing the worst of myself
Fixing those faults and flaws
And I don’t think I’m strong enough
I’ve never been before