I’m tired of missing someone
that was never mine to miss
So much pointless importance placed
on a presence long gone
and yet I can’t escape it
She was the best friend I’d had
in what seemed like forever
She was my validation
for the person I’d grown into
and when she disappeared
she took with her everything
that I had built within myself
It’s been so long now
and still the empty spaces
seek their fill of what remains
So slow to rebuild
that I’m not sure I’ll ever heal
Not completely anyway
There’s just that little bit
those small pieces of what I was
still lost out there somewhere
I cut myself on them
every time I think of her
still bleeding, still reeling
from the loss of what I never had

You sit, still speaking with poison tongue

Do you not realize that I know

Everything you’ve said and done

To ruin everything I valued most?

You took so much away from me

Through your rash and selfish grumbling

You cost me everything you could

Manipulated trust to take me down

And as I’m still recovering

You turn your wicked words my way

Acting as if nothing’s wrong

As if I still trusted you

But I won’t let you close again

And I won’t let you stake your claim

You won’t get to use me up

You already had your fill

And now I’ll walk away

Buried under burdens that can’t be carried

Gasping for air that just can’t be found

Fighting for something so poorly defined

As others dump their weight right on top

Arms that grow heavy and legs that are weak

A back and two shoulders that break under strain

Body and soul barely banded together

Not even sure what they’re working toward

So long have they toiled through changing conditions

Ever evolving expectations to rise to

When crushed beneath the growing heft

You lash out at the world around you

Hidden in the hole you dug all by yourself

Secure in your utter lack of sympathy

Do you even realize what you’re doing anymore?

Pulling strings you have no business tugging on

Manipulation with no rhyme or reason

What’s the point of destroying everything around you?

What do you stand to gain for dragging

All of us down with you?

Does it even matter anymore?

The closer you get to where you’re going

The harder the road gets to take

Keep going, always

And never let them slow you down

You can stumble and fall

You can change your direction

But never, ever let a damn thing stop you

Nothing in this world is worth it

Everything has an end

There’s something out there for you, always

All you have to do is find it

But you never will if you stop moving

So go on

Always go on

And don’t look back for too long

Lest your hindsight drag you down

Acknowledge where you’ve been

But don’t let it keep you from where you’re going

Or where you’re meant to be

Just find it

You’ll know it when you do

And everything will line up in due time

How did I let you corrupt

Everything I try to believe?

What’s so wrong with striving

To be the best thing in someone’s life?

I allowed your lack of understanding

To make me feel like I’m the one that’s wrong

For far too long I suffered

A victim of my own design

For taking your opinion too far to heart

You cast this cloud over my head

Casting shadows of self-importance

You cut me with my own jagged edges

But now the flow is slowing

And I can see the sunshine

And I hope I never let someone

Like you have power over me again

Here’s to real understanding

To people meant to be something

To those that I can open up to

Without fear of pushing away

To those that don’t just drag me down

With their own poor attitudes

I seek to find someone that’s worthy

Of my uplifting and encouragement

Someone that gives back what I give

Instwad of taking until they’re full

I’m sick of finding myself empty

It’s time for me to find a place

Where I can be refilled

Keep going

Through it all

Just face forward

And find your way

No room left

For doubt or worry

Don’t slow down

Or even look back

If you stumble

Get back up

Find your feet

And try again

Watching all these words return

It kills me that I wasted them

On someone that would never get

What it was I tried to give

Not part of my proudest moments

Thinking I could help her see

Those eyes will never open wide

Enough to see the beauty there

Trying to unlock a door

When the owner holds the key

But refuses to turn the lock

Is nothing but a foolish game

I should know better than to play

She can have her little world

I’ll hold out for something more

And save these words for someone else

I refuse to bow to your indifference

Your uncaring nature holds you back

You’ve dug yourself a hole from which

You’ll never crawl back out

And I won’t let you pull me down inside

Too many people like you in this world

Tend to try and chip away

But I’ll fight and claw and cling to

My ability to give a damn

I won’t let you tear that piece away

True freedom is the choice

Of who and what to serve

I wish I had that privilege

I fear I never will

But I keep seeking