I tell myself you’re out there

The other half I’m searching for

The one that I’m meant to complete

That we’ll fill each other’s edges in

And make that almost perfect shape

We’ll elevate each other

To the heights we belong

But the more I tell myself

The less that I believe

And with all the mistakes I’ve made

I worry that maybe I’ve already found you

And blown it

And I’ll never even know

I’m not sure what would be worse

But I’ll keep waiting

And looking

And hoping that I’m right

And someday I’ll get to fill

The hole that I’ve felt in my soul

Ever since I could understand

What a soul mate is

Foolish little heart

Convinced that words mean something

Sucked in by the lies

That you told yourself

You weren’t supposed to fall

You should be beyond this

But no, you’ll never win

As long as you let people

Pull you in and suck you dry

Don’t cling to possibilities

Don’t get caught up in fantasies

Stick only to what hands can hold

For only that is real

All the wasted work

Trying to be worthy

Of a place at your table

Instead I’m stuck outside

The chair pulled out from under me

I guess there wasn’t room

For someone that could see through

The charades you play

I hope you never know

How the world really works

May you always have

That space to run home to

Because you couldn’t make it

Without that warmth

And while I struggle

I’ll find it someday

But you’ll never know

That space of your own

Will I always be stuck haunted by the ghost of you?

Can’t I ever find some comfort in this distance?

Must I really dream of you whenever someone says your name?

Shouldn’t everything have ended up behind me now?

You walked away completely long ago, so why can’t I?

When it all means nothing, can’t it go away?

Why should there still be tears and pain and regret?

My hands are tied and empty, so why carry this on?

Why couldn’t it be as simple for me as it was for you?

Why must I sit here surrounded by the shadows of my failure?

Why can’t I find my way free from you?