In your rush

to take on that new horizon

don’t forget about me back here

still trying to catch my breath

I want so badly

to stand beside you

as you face these challenges head on

but I’m starting to wonder

if it’s even worth trying to keep up

I don’t what I bring

to the table anyway

I just know I’d kill for a seat

but I’d only slow you down

and I refuse to be an albatross

so tired of the sacrifice

I’m not afraid to bleed

but there’s no point in the letting

when you’re capable of fighting your own battles

much better than I could ever dream of

all I can do is stand back and stand by

and hope on those occasions

you come back around this way

that I can be worth slowing down for

even for a moment

because I’ll never be enough

to hold you here

I’m tired of this self-fulfilling prophecy

this vibe I wake up feeling

that informs everything

because it’s always right

Just stamp “idiot* on my forehead

so every glance in the mirror

can remind me that I always know

how things are gonna end

Nothing’s worth it

when you never get what you wanted

and the consolation prize

is more than you signed up for

but far less than the reason

you tried to stick it out

Listen to yourself

when that little voice inside

greets you in the morning

and asks why even bother getting up?

You’ll regret it by the end of day

better to just curl up tight

and let it pass you by

I can see it coming

from what feels like a lifetime away

and yet I still know it’s gonna hurt

worse than almost anything

the inevitability won’t lessen the impact

when she pulls the rug out from under me

There will come a time

when she’s ready

and finds someone better

more interesting

more deserving than me

and I’ll be pushed aside

and it’ll likely kill me

but what can I do

especially knowing she deserves

whatever shred of happiness

she can find in this world

and if I can’t deliver that

what am I even doing here?

She crosses my mind

at least every single day

but I doubt I’m more

than a fleeting thought for her

because why would I be?

I’m the broken one,

the obsessive one,

the one better left behind

before I say or do something stupid

and ruin it all

So I’ll sit here, waiting,

catching whatever scraps I can

expecting the worst

knowing it’s coming

too paralyzed with fear

of losing out on something

to make any move at all

Losing myself again

in the words I can’t bring myself to say

Someone else is singing them much better

than I could ever hope to

and knowing someone else

has felt the same way I do

somehow makes it easier

despite getting no relief

from the actual ordeal

Maybe I could send her a song

like some lovesick teenager

I think I tried that way back when

doubt it’d go any better now

Nah, just let those words carry me

maybe they’ll bring clarity

as I drift away

into memories and emotions

You’d think things would change

but some thing’s always stay the same

no matter how much time has passed

and lessons have been learned

So just nod my head and sing along

and never get caught feeling

It’s just the music after all

not actually from my heart…

Dance, little monkey, dance

to the tune of your master

and when you’re done for now

make sure to return

to your little cage

Draw no attention

make no sound at all

and know that you’ll never be free

Some hand will always hold the rope

tied tight around your neck

but worry not about it

as long as you have purpose

you have naught to fear

Just don’t outlive your usefulness

keep moving on command

and when all is said and done

face the end with poise and grace

There’s nothing you can do

All those who fled the scene

leaving behind evidence

little scars and reminders

almost as ghosts to haunt me

They live rent-free in my head

their voices screaming at odd hours

amplifying everything

pounding drumbeat of negativity

No responsibility

or remorse for their actions

the marks they’ve left on me

and my shattered psyche

But I’m forced to remember

whenever someone comes along

that I might want to let inside

My hands start to shake

and I hesitate too long

as the voices rise

harping on insecurities

Digging deep and drawing blood

How can I remove them?

They’re not wanted anymore

I don’t want to keep comparing

I just want to be set free

and have the room to try again

without their shadows hanging over

myself and anyone I meet

How often do I cross your mind?

I’ve probably thought of you a hundred times today

Admitting that is hard because deep down I know

that the one that cares the least

is the one that holds the cards

and I can feel my poker face slipping

Surely you have some hint by now

that as thankful as I am for your friendship

I would do terrible, horrible things for something more

but I have to play the hand I’m dealt

and I don’t have the chips to raise

All I can do is call or fold

and I don’t think I have it in me

to get up from the table

So please, if you feel the same

you’ll have to be the one

to up the pot a little higher

and give me some kind of tell

‘Cause I don’t know how to read you

and I’m afraid to show ’em

I don’t want to sacrifice

when I’m holding nothing

Everything is in your hands

You only have to call

The worst part is going home

to a house full of junk and memories

but no warmth, no soul,

When she asked if I had to go home

I asked myself the same question

because this isn’t really home

not the one I want, anyway

This is just the house I live in

I don’t really have a home

the closest thing that I still have

is wherever those two are

and I worry about the day

they find out just what they mean

and don’t return the feeling…

There’s something about the rain

both haunting and enchanting

Some method of self-sacrifice

as expression of emotion

I’ve found myself in downpour

chasing a woman’s love

so many times in my life

we’re far beyond coincidence

There’s some meaning here

dancing between stormclouds

some melancholic memory

of willing commitment

to places and things beyond and beneath

From then to now I drift

swept away by the water’s edge

Someday I’ll be able

to set aside the chasing

and maybe then I’ll find some comfort

in the cold and wet dark days

instead of always drowning

lost over my head

When this is all over

what comes next?

How long can we keep going

over these same roads

without changing?

I’ve got almost everything

I could’ve ever dreamed of

but nothing lasts forever

and which this works know

I worry about what happens

when you realize it’s not enough

And surely that’s a matter of when, not if,

at least if we’re being honest

It makes me think of a song

and the brutal honesty of fact

that you deserve more than I am

and probably more than I could ever be

I don’t know how I’ve gotten this lucky

to at least get to be part of this much of you

and I don’t know how much longer

this all can go on

but I wouldn’t give it up for the world

and I don’t want to risk it for anything

So please just let it be a gentle goodbye

when you find the one whose seat I’ve stolen

and let him up into the ride