Get yourself together

You’re the only one who can

It’s not over yet

There no time to give up

Shake it off and keep on moving

There’s a lot of life to go

and the only thing slowing you down

is you

Put your head back on straight

and learn to hold it up high

There’s no backing down this time

and no turning back or away

Time to face the coming future

It’s all you can do

Another day is dawning every morning

The walls are starting to close in

as the weight on my shoulders grows heavier

Working under false pretenses

and promises I could never keep

Trying to live up to a memory

filling shoes that just don’t fit

and dealing with my own issues

Feels like I’m juggling chainsaws

Just waiting for when chain meets flesh

so that I may find release

I can’t be all she was

or what she wanted me to be

I couldn’t then, and now it’s harder

but now is when I have to

So I have to

I just don’t know that I can…

I forgot my golden rule today

and shared too much of me

In my defense the person asked

but no one ever really means it

No one ever really cares

enough to hear your bullshit

It’s just what you do to be polite

It’s not an invitation

Contrary to what others say

it’s best to just let it fester

because showing others the real you

only leads to pain

Please don’t do this half way

If you give a damn at all,

then give it well and fully

Don’t leave me hanging on

to your outstretched hand

by the tips of my fingers

Lift me up, pull me in

I’m dangling from your lifeline

and I think I’d rather just let go

than keep on barely holding

This stop and start, push and pull

isn’t much of a rescue

I’d rather it end mercifully

than live through the sheer torture

of never knowing what this is

or what I’m doing wrong

So reel me in or let me go

Don’t make me cut the line myself

I don’t have the strength

I was lost without direction

when you swooped in to the rescue

and I don’t think I’ve ever told you

quite how grateful I was and am

But now here we are some time removed

and I feel like I’ve been left to drift

and I really don’t know how to swim

and I keep looking your direction

but you’re so busy and distracted

I don’t think you even notice

I’m no longer right behind you

Instead I’m bobbing in the water

fighting to keep my head up

and I’m not sure I can do it

I know I’m not your responsibility

but you gave me hope to cling to

so I followed you this far

and now I don’t know the way home

I’m stranded here, left in your wake

wishing I could be beside you

but knowing I could never dream

of being able to keep up

I doubt you’d want to stop for me

or even let me catch my breath

but I think I’m done asking to tag along

if I’m just gonna fall behind

Not sure you’d even notice

if or when I’m gone

So I think I’m done this time

reaching out to you and yours

maybe someday you’ll see me floating

and reach a hand to help

But if I held my breath for that

I’d surely end up under water

and I don’t need anyone else’s help for that

Maybe it’ll hurt less this time

…at least that’s what I tell myself

as I walk blindly into the same old situation

caring far too much again

about someone who could take or leave me

Not being able to admit

that I’ll never have what I want

and continuing to put myself

through heaps of endless suffering

in a sort of semi-silence

She has no idea

I’m not sure she’d care if she did

What do my feelings really matter

when she has all she needs without me?

I’m a sucker for the pain, I guess

too much in need of what scraps I’m given

I hope there’ll come a day

when either I get what I’m after

or I find the inner strength

to walk away for good

but for now I keep returning

like a moth to an eternal flame

Let the fire burn it all

I can’t feel it anyway

Numb to the indifference

taken for granted once again

She’s going to break my heart

into a thousand little pieces

without ever even knowing

What an idiot I am

rushing headlong into something

that I’m sure will never be

God, the beauty there eludes me

I see, I chase, I fall and fail

I don’t know what she’s thinking

or if she’s clued into my motives

I’d have to hope by now she knows

but her knowing would be torture

for that would mean she acts with malice

when ignorance would be preferred

If she’s garnered any inkling

of just how much I love and want her

I’d want to think she’d be more gentle

in her rejection of my actions

than to let this all continue

as it has been for so long

Maybe she’s still none the wiser

maybe she thinks I’m just bored

maybe a million possibilities

Answers I may never know

All I know right now is how much

of myself I’d give to her

and how little that seems to matter

despite all I’ve done so far

Don’t let yourself get carried away again
keep those hopes nice and realistic
You just aren’t that special, are you?
I doubt she really thinks so
Remember where your place is now
no matter what you want it to be
Works towards something greater, sure,
but keep yourself in check for now
She ain’t that into you, you know?
Not nearly as much as you are her
and you aren’t gonna change that
by letting fantasies run wild
In fact, you probably won’t change that at all
best to walk away while you can
…but you can’t, can you?
You’re gonna keep on going back
no matter what you tell yourself
Ah well, a pity to get burned
again and again by similar fires
but such is life as a fool, I suppose
I’ll keep the bandages nearby
for the burns and broken heart

The way she keeps on moving

I’m struggling to keep up

Why am I still here?

I don’t think she’ll slow down enough

for me to ever catch my breath

I’m not sure I’d want her to

That wouldn’t be true to who she is

and who she is is the reason

this whole problem started

She just exudes vitality,

there’s no other way to say it

She lives life full speed ahead

and challenges those around her

to find a way to do the same

Oh what wouldn’t I do

to match that woman’s pace

Maybe I should just stand still

and wait for her to circle back

because chasing gets me nowhere

She’s just too far ahead

Lord let me find the finish line

and be the one to greet her there

for the moment or two before

she sets off again

Are you ever gonna figure this out?

Or do I have to say the words?

I don’t keep coming back just for her

and while I might be bored of life

I could find a hundred other ways

to fill my free time up

most of which would end up far less stressful

than the roller coaster ups and downs

I give myself following you around

It’s called love, you might have heard of it

and I doubt it’s what you’re looking for

and I KNOW I’m not the kind of guy

that could sweep you off your feet

but please don’t toy with me

You should have some hint by now

exactly why I’m still here

and why I’ll keep sticking around

until I’m told to go away

in no uncertain terms

Because as long as there’s a chance

I’ll keep waiting patiently

probably forever

so please don’t make me wait too long

don’t give me hope then crush me

Cut the cord or tie it down

don’t let me dangle off this cliff

so long that I fall anyway

I don’t think I can survive this distance

without a little help