Looks like I failed you again

though that’s never how you would’ve put it

That pressure always came from me

trying to live up to what you would’ve wanted

and always falling just a little short

I was harder on myself than you were

So here I am about to depart for

something you treasured in some way

You tried to build your own next generation

when it seemed like I’d never spread those wings

and now I couldn’t even keep it going in your absence

As we try to carry on your traditions

not everyone is here you would’ve wanted

and though you never would’ve forced it on ne

I know it was my job to hold it all together

but that proved to be beyond me yet again

Once again your shoes are something I could never fill

and I don’t have it in me to keep trying

That goodbye echoed like a gunshot

marking the end of all I’d worked so hard for

I swear I could see shards of broken promises

drifting through the air like butterflies

as the words ripped through straight for the heart

and stopped me as cold as the sudden silence

from the other side of the telephone

It was all supposed to be so different

I thought I had a chance at all I ever wanted

but dreams always seem to slip through fingers

by virtue of them never being real

At least this time I hadn’t finished cleaning up the pieces

so I’ll just start again again again

Time heals all wounds, they say

but life is short and fragile

and long enough for anything isn’t promised

You take so much for granted

The sun will rise and set, for sure,

but nothing else is guaranteed

and you expect me to be silent

on what I think and feel?

There may never be another chance

to say or do that something special

Life is far shorter than we realize

amd while the world keeps spinning

a time will come when we don’t

so why make it more difficult

to live a life worth living

than it already has to be?

Love openly

live freely

and don’t give up connection

for a little bit of freedom

when connection is all that matters

in the end

The saddest thing I’ve learned

is that you don’t know how to love

Because with the world the way it is

love is all we have

So strong, so self-reliant

so ready to break when the wind blows

because you never know when to lean

What a shame it is for you

that you may never understand

just what you’re missing

when you close yourself off

and keep running full speed ahead

right off the cliff

I don’t have time to deal with this

I have a life to live

and with all that’s going on

there’s precious little left

to spend on someone else

Someone that doesn’t want to be here

but keeps stringing me along

claiming that they value me

(yeah, as much as a used paper bag)

I don’t need external validation

for all the negative thoughts

already in my head

I fight to shut them up

and you hand them a microphone

I don’t need the disrespect

I barely respect myself

I need people that give a damn

to help drown out the other voices

So if you can’t give me a hand

then kindly find somewhere else to be

It certainly isn’t the first time

I’ve tried to lean on someone

all too eager to lean on me

and ended up on the ground

That picture has stared back at me

for a long time now

and gotten me through a lot

That smile, that innocent smile

so full of life and joy

But now it burns my eyes

straight through to my heart

That face I’ll likely never see again

a million pictures all over

beginning to haunt me

like tiny little needles piercing

everything I am

I won’t know that joy again

The idea of a grand romance

is nothing more than fairy tale

but that doesn’t make love some kind of lie

No, actually, it gives it more importance

Because love is as much choice as conseqience

Love is one part infatuation

a little splash of light obsession

and a whole lot of commitment

finding yourself in someone else

building your own happiness

out of watching them find theirs

A willingness to sacrifice

your comfort for their necessity

and sometimes getting little in return

besides the satisfaction

that someday they might return the favor

when they realize just what you’ve done for them

Of course, you can’t expect it back

Love should be given freely

but in a world where the strong survive

sometimes love is all we have

and we hoard it like a pile of gold

Other times we’ve been burned by failure

learned to hold back lest we give

too much to someone incapable

of giving in return

But still we must give love

for it is meant to power the world

and in its absence we’ve filled the void

with things that don’t belong there

Maybe this is a petty thought

but I almost hope we get to the point

where my constant presence

in some part of your world

just absolutely gets under your skin

I want it to irritate the hell out of you

when we’re at the same event

or your family is with me

or I sent you a message this morning

with a link to something you wanted to do

and now you feel like you can’t

because it was suggested by me

I do these things not to mess with you

I do them because I want to

Because I want to care about you

we like doing the same things

and I adore your family

but the bonus of driving you nuts

as you try to pull away

only for me to stay close

is like icing on the cake

And since I’m diabetic

that’s the only icing I can have

So forgive me if I feast on it

for at least a little while

Oh, what stupid games we play

Can’t bring ourselves to be honest

so we lie and sneak and hide the truth

of what we think and feel

for whatever fanciful reason

we come up with this time

Truth is, I might just be in love

but I’m not willing to dance around

and I won’t be a doormat

or an anxious pile of goo

for anyone ever again

I danced this dance for you

but now you play a different game

that two can play at successfully

and if time comes to walk away

I don’t think I’ll have a problem

A refreshing place to be

as the one that’s usually toyed with

to be here smirking at the thought

of getting under your skin

I live for these moments of clarity

when the clouds part and worries fade

and things show themselves for what they are

not what I saw in weakness

The shadows all vanish in the light

and with clean head and clear vision

I can finally chart a course

around all these obstacles

I so blindly kept crashing into

in my darker moments