Sitting here making excuses

for you in my head

and trying to decide

just how much time and space to give you

when the only correct answer

is forever because fuck you

you pulled away to save yourself

when I needed you there most

so obviously when times are hard

I could never count on you

all I ever do is sacrifice myself for others

and you proved you’d do the opposite

so what makes me think you’re still worth

giving up pieces of myself for?

I can’t live the way you do

so hot and cold

so ready to cast aside

something or someone t

he moment it stops working

I try to fix what’s broken

long past the point where I should bother

and I’m pretty sure these opposites don’t attract

they kill each other slowly

so why is it so hard to just let go?

There’s nothing quite as hard

as feeling all alone

while surrounded by people

Dozens of families

all having fun

enjoying the memories they’re making

and all I can think of

are the absent ones

by fate and by choice

All this humanity

and yet something’s missing

Leave it to me to feel it

My stomach is in knots

and everything is so surreal

I wasn’t fucking kidding when

I said I wish you wouldn’t skip this

I needed someone here

that could help me understand

because nothing’s right

about this at all

I’m supposed to be pushing her

not mourning her

and holy hell everything is wrong

This was something that I did for her

and I guess I still do for her

but you were supposed to

be here with me

and help me see this through

and you’ve left me here to lose it

with my only company

someone that would never understand

and I told you that I don’t think

I could ever forgive you

for abandoning me

at the second-worst possible time

Looks like I failed you again

though that’s never how you would’ve put it

That pressure always came from me

trying to live up to what you would’ve wanted

and always falling just a little short

I was harder on myself than you were

So here I am about to depart for

something you treasured in some way

You tried to build your own next generation

when it seemed like I’d never spread those wings

and now I couldn’t even keep it going in your absence

As we try to carry on your traditions

not everyone is here you would’ve wanted

and though you never would’ve forced it on ne

I know it was my job to hold it all together

but that proved to be beyond me yet again

Once again your shoes are something I could never fill

and I don’t have it in me to keep trying

That goodbye echoed like a gunshot

marking the end of all I’d worked so hard for

I swear I could see shards of broken promises

drifting through the air like butterflies

as the words ripped through straight for the heart

and stopped me as cold as the sudden silence

from the other side of the telephone

It was all supposed to be so different

I thought I had a chance at all I ever wanted

but dreams always seem to slip through fingers

by virtue of them never being real

At least this time I hadn’t finished cleaning up the pieces

so I’ll just start again again again

Time heals all wounds, they say

but life is short and fragile

and long enough for anything isn’t promised

You take so much for granted

The sun will rise and set, for sure,

but nothing else is guaranteed

and you expect me to be silent

on what I think and feel?

There may never be another chance

to say or do that something special

Life is far shorter than we realize

amd while the world keeps spinning

a time will come when we don’t

so why make it more difficult

to live a life worth living

than it already has to be?

Love openly

live freely

and don’t give up connection

for a little bit of freedom

when connection is all that matters

in the end

The saddest thing I’ve learned

is that you don’t know how to love

Because with the world the way it is

love is all we have

So strong, so self-reliant

so ready to break when the wind blows

because you never know when to lean

What a shame it is for you

that you may never understand

just what you’re missing

when you close yourself off

and keep running full speed ahead

right off the cliff

I don’t have time to deal with this

I have a life to live

and with all that’s going on

there’s precious little left

to spend on someone else

Someone that doesn’t want to be here

but keeps stringing me along

claiming that they value me

(yeah, as much as a used paper bag)

I don’t need external validation

for all the negative thoughts

already in my head

I fight to shut them up

and you hand them a microphone

I don’t need the disrespect

I barely respect myself

I need people that give a damn

to help drown out the other voices

So if you can’t give me a hand

then kindly find somewhere else to be

It certainly isn’t the first time

I’ve tried to lean on someone

all too eager to lean on me

and ended up on the ground

That picture has stared back at me

for a long time now

and gotten me through a lot

That smile, that innocent smile

so full of life and joy

But now it burns my eyes

straight through to my heart

That face I’ll likely never see again

a million pictures all over

beginning to haunt me

like tiny little needles piercing

everything I am

I won’t know that joy again

The idea of a grand romance

is nothing more than fairy tale

but that doesn’t make love some kind of lie

No, actually, it gives it more importance

Because love is as much choice as conseqience

Love is one part infatuation

a little splash of light obsession

and a whole lot of commitment

finding yourself in someone else

building your own happiness

out of watching them find theirs

A willingness to sacrifice

your comfort for their necessity

and sometimes getting little in return

besides the satisfaction

that someday they might return the favor

when they realize just what you’ve done for them

Of course, you can’t expect it back

Love should be given freely

but in a world where the strong survive

sometimes love is all we have

and we hoard it like a pile of gold

Other times we’ve been burned by failure

learned to hold back lest we give

too much to someone incapable

of giving in return

But still we must give love

for it is meant to power the world

and in its absence we’ve filled the void

with things that don’t belong there