Oh heaven help this moron

to keep from making the same mistakes

He was making such good progress,

protect him from his instincts

Gifts won’t get him what he wants

only time can help him now

Patience is a virtue he lacks

so help him find it now

before he stumbles headfirst

into the same old mess

It’s probably too late

but still, he needs the assistance

Poor little lovesick fool

grant him the knowledge he needs

to avoid familiar pitfalls

lest he find himself

trapped underneath his stupidity

yet again

When the story’s over

I hope you’ll have the chance to know

just how much of what I’ve written

has been about you

Maybe by then you’ll understand

what it is I’m feeling here

I’m not clinging to you out of desperation

but out of a desire to share

as much of your life,

your world, and your time

as I possibly can

All these words I’ve spilled upon these pages

trying to wrap my head around

something that really is so simple

It’s love, no more, no less

Not hard to understand

but somehow I can’t get it right

no matter what I try

I can’t make it any clearer

but they say to show, not tell

so how is it that I can show you

what you actually mean to me

and why I miss you so much?

The rose with the sharpest thorns

so of course I’d have to find it

and somehow think that all I’d need

is a good pair of gloves and a pruning shear

So here I am out in the hot sun

I think they call this gardening

Feels a lot like sacrifice

this must be what hell is made of

The sweat pours down my face

My fingers are a mess of holes

Somewhere there’s a flower here

that would look beautiful on my mantle

But at this rate I’ll never get

to pick it before the bloom wilts

and I’m left with nothing

but scars and a blocked pathway

as the branches grow unkempt and wild

I’m at the mercy of the plant

This is gonna be a struggle, I can tell

not falling right back into old habits

I can’t let myself give a damn again

it only leads to stress and agony

I have to learn to keep my distance

That wall was built there for a reason

No need to try and make a doorway

All that ends up coming in is pain

I’m trying to repair myself in here

I don’t need to tear myself apart

trying to worry about someone else

when they don’t always give the courtesy

of the same level of interest

I think of you

and I don’t know how to say

what I’m feeling anymore

There’s a sadness

and an emptiness

that tempers everything

As if something beautiful

just died in my hands

through no fault of my own

and I mourn what could have been

despite not knowing

exactly what that is

I care, but not as much

as I might’ve just a day or two ago

and probably a little more

than I will tonorrow

But I won’t know that for sure

until I wake up

and think of you again

Funny how the focus shifts

in the blink of an eye, it seems

Guess it wasn’t all about her

it certainly isn’t anymore

The tap is closed, the last fuck given

no more bleeding out for her

There’s only some much in there

I have to save it for someone that cares

Someone that will probably never come

but hey, a guy can dream

He also need to know his limits

when to try or walk away

Right now one foot’s out the door

Just waiting for the other shoe

to drop and tell me when to go

I’ll leave so fast her head will spin

It’s no fun to play these games

I can cut myself when I need to bleed

I don’t need assistance

So just tell me when it’s over

so I’m not the last in line to leave

You’re the one holding the paddles

as I crash out on the table

but no one’s yelling clear

as my life flashes before my eyes

How sad and sorry I’ve been

nothing much of substance

and here I am silently begging

for some attempt at revival

My heart is in your hands

can you at least try to keep it beating?

You’re right, I am relying on you

probably too much for some

I guess you’re included in that

I thought that was what you asked for

when you stepped in at a time of need

and you never said it was too much

until it crept up on both of us

Now I can’t even tell you I miss you

because I’m afraid it would be

the last words I ever said to you

that you actually listened to

It’s up to you, I’m afraid

to help me here at least one last time

Tell me it’s over, tell me to go

Leave no uncertain words

or tell me it doesn’t have to end this way

Tell me we might salvage something

out of my ignorance here

Just tell me something

before it’s too late…

You made a promise to me
that we wouldn’t lose touch
I’d get to keep seeing her
and watch her grow up
What did that promise mean?
Word given in my mom’s memory
Guess it didn’t mean as much
to you as it did to me
Figures, that’s a running theme
I always care more than others
Words and moments, places and people
they all have meaning to me
but apparently not to others
A hard lesson to learn
especially over and over
as you think you’ve found someone
that might actually share your view
only to discover
you’ve lied to yourself again
So tell me this
will you honor her in the end?
Will you keep that promise?
Or is that just a fantasy,
me caught dreaming once again
of the way things ought to be
and not the way they are…

Wrap me in the sounds of yesterday

when things were so much easier

because we didn’t know the consequences

but did everything anyway

Drift back to nights on the road

heading nowhere fast under the stars

Endless possibility ahead just like the highway

Dive bars and hotel parking lots

cheap beer and cigarettes at midnight

Crawling into bed just in time for the work alarm

getting right back up and out there

Late nights and early mornings

Everything was an adventure

We had no idea then

just how good we had it

did we?

As I sit here just on this side of middle age

what I wouldn’t give for one more night

of that youthful celebration

of what it meant to have no destination

just a direction off into who knows where

which, of course, was half the fun…

It’s like Schrodinger’s friendship here

Is it alive, is it dead?

What if trying to observe it kills it?

Maybe better to walk away

and let it die from distance

than to rip the bandage off

and know for sure…

Sounds so stupid when it’s put that way

Of course I need to follow through

…so why the hesitation?

Because maybe I don’t want to know

Maybe I’ve already blown it

and all I would do in trying to mend things

is hurt myself further

But if I take the easy way

do nothing and let it all fade

what am I giving up?

Obviously it was something

that I thought was worth panicking over

so why let it go so easily?

My stomach turns in knots

the butterflies get bigger

with every passing moment

the indecision killing me

Guess this is the price I pay

for a loss of control of sorts

Time to pay the debt one way or another…